you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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