She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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