I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
