She announced her abortion via fbk
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
