we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
