you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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