I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
