very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We were destined to go to rehab together
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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