So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
