I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
