it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize