I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
