I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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