Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
did you just send me my own nude
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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