My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
