i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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