peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
if only i could text you this smell
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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