If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
