Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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