Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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