She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You've changed since you got that strap on
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
