im having a threesome with these popsicles
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
