Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
