youre lurking in front of me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
