I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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