I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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