I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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