haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
"it" just moved
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
