I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
