I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
