a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
