Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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