ya dads aren't the best wingmen
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
