We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize