1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
