For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
