Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize