i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
