I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
