drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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