listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
