You're my little dorito
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
