She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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