Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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