Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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