dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
