TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
