Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
