if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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