DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
