How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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