I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
