Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
