Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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