do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
