I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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