well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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