Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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