I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
