8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
