Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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