So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
