i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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