I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
