I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
