I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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