oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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