And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Drunk is a universal language darling
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
