i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
