Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
