It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Help. Why am I so naked?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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