im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's blow job season.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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